In a back room of the People’s Weekly World is a group of elf computer wizards, wearing green tights and caps with bells. They’ve just finished a project that has befuddled humankind for centuries. They’ve hacked into the top secret Naughty and Nice List compiled by the head elf, an undocumented worker who regularly crosses our borders without papers, making deliveries on Dec. 25 — Santa Claus.
The wizard elves wisked the list over to our editorial desk and said we could tell you a few of the names.
Topping the Nice List is the U.S. working class. In the notes section, Claus highlighted the solidarity at Smithfield Meats and the courage of thousands of moms and dads who are janitors and hotel workers joining the union.
And in big gold letters, Claus wrote, “Oh, those 2006 elections and what workers, and in particular African American, Latino, women and young workers, did! I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw Santorum crash and burn live on CNN and then the rest of those scoundrels go up in the smoke of workers’ ballots.”
Next on the list is the immigrant rights movement. The parchment was tear stained where Claus had penned, “My invisible brothers and sisters who work so hard for their families, working some of the worst jobs, only to be hunted down, subjected to racism, jailed or left to die in the desert — hundreds of thousands marched in city after city, proud, unafraid, standing up, their children with them — that was a true May Day.”
With so many wonderful, courageous folks on the Nice List, it’s just too long for us to mention everyone.
Topping the Naughty List are George W. Bush, Dick Cheney and all their minions. Claus put one-way tickets home in their stockings.
Next is Goodyear. “Forcing 15,000 skilled tire makers, members of the USW, out on strike because the world’s largest tire and rubber products corporation isn’t making enough profit — criminal, that’s what it is, criminal,” the not-so-jolly Santa wrote.
Also on the list are racist police like those who fired 50 bullets at Sean Bell, and Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents who rounded up Swift workers, leaving spouses and children weeping. Wal-Mart, greedy mine owners and Katrina profiteers are there too.
But you, our terrific readers, who help fund, promote and write for this paper, you’re all on the Nice List. Happy holidays to all of you.