The First Lady’s message to victims of the Enron collapse

A message from Laura Bush:

Gals, wondering what to do with your worthless Enron stock certificates? Decoupage! That’s right, Decoupage – the French art of dressing up surfaces with attractive scrap paper!

It seems like a whole mess of folks out there are sitting on Enron Stock Certificates, wondering what to do with them. Well, as your First Lady and Chairlady of the Washington chapter of Bringing Integrity To Christian Homemakers, I feel as if it is my responsibility to reach out to you all and help.

There are two tips that I have come up with to help people put their Enron stock to good use. Now, if you didn’t get a call from me back in August (after I’d spent 30 minutes wide-eyed talking over cosmos with Kenneth Lay) telling you: “Sell those suckers!” then you missed out on my first tip. So, here I am with my second tip:

Decoupage!

There are many dear, sweet people out there who aren’t part of Bushies’ Pioneers and, therefore, not on Bushie’s or my calling list. It just breaks my heart that they are holding trunk-fulls of now worthless Enron stock. If only you had used some of that stock when it was actually worth something to contribute to my husband, you would have been one of the people we let know to get rid of the rest of it before the bottom fell out!

How to decoupage Enron stock:

As with any craft project, you should read through and understand all directions before starting. Don’t rely on your husband – or you’ll end up stuck to the kitchen counter for two days while he finds all the places you hide your vodka!

1. If you have not prepared the surface of the item you plan to decoupage on, do so now. Make sure it is clean and paint/seal it now. If you didn’t hold much Enron stock, you may wish to decoupage a wooden tool or tackle kit. If you are one of the many Enron employees who had your entire life savings in stock, you will have enough to wallpaper several rooms of your home. Just think! The little extra time you spend giving your walls a novel, topical finish will really help your home sell after it is foreclosed on!

2. Cut out your Enron stock certificates. If you are a really bitter person, cut out letters and play smutty word games with Kenny Boy’s last name.

3. Arrange the Enron stock before you add the glue so you know where you want everything. Personally, as homemaker who loves crafts, I prefer a theme! Try adding pictures of cars or colleges you can no longer afford! Use your imagination!

4. Completely coat the back of the picture with your glue. Make sure that the room is well-ventilated and that your husband is not hovering over the glue pot as, if memory serves, he will wind up passing out on the fumes and go head-first into your unfinished decoupage!

5. Stick the Enron stock on the glue. Use your finger to gently push down the stock (don’t worry about tearing it – there is plenty more where that came from!) and push out any wrinkles and excess glue. You can also use a popsicle stick or brayer (which is what I also call my mother-in-law).

6. Continue with the last two steps until all your stock is glued on (for some of you in Houston, this could take several weeks of 24-7 decoupaging, but like those cute kitties on the poster say: Hang in there baby!) Let the glue dry.

7. Now, coat your Enron stocks completely with diluted white glue (approximately 3 parts glue to 1 part water) or decoupage medium. Let this dry completely before you let your husband rest Corona bottles or pretzels on it – or they will wind up part of your decoupage!

8. Now, you can continue to add coats of the glue or decoupage medium or use another sealer (polyurethane, acrylic spray, etc.) until you get the desired results. You will, however, want to keep adding coats until the edges of the pictures are smooth – or until you are thrown out of your house for not meeting the mortgage, whichever comes first.

– from the Internet