200-vehicle convoy sends conservation message, president says

Hoping to send a powerful message about energy conservation, President George W. Bush said today that he would embark on an historic cross-country motorcade to promote less driving.

“The time has come for the American people to wean themselves from their dependence on foreign oil, and I intend to get behind the wheel myself to send that message,” Bush told reporters at the White House today.

Taking a hands-on role in the symbolic odyssey, Bush said that he would pilot the lead car in the motorcade, a Ford F250 pickup that he uses to drive around his ranch in Crawford, Texas.

The president said that he personally ordered a ranch hand to drive the pickup truck from Crawford to Washington, D.C., so that Bush would have it in time for the historic journey.

Bush added that in the event a national security emergency should require him to leave his energy conservation tour before it is complete, Air Force One will hover over the motorcade at all times, refueling in midair.

While some skeptics wondered whether Bush’s cross-country trek would succeed in convincing Americans to drive less, it has already inspired one citizen to do so, as Rep. Tom DeLay (R-Texas) today volunteered to cancel his trip to Texas to stand trial on conspiracy charges.

“I asked myself, ‘Is this trip necessary?’ and I decided it wasn’t,” DeLay said.

Elsewhere, in a possible breach of the separation of church and state, DeLay introduced a bill in Congress calling for God to smite a Texas grand jury with locusts.

Andy Borowitz writes a daily humor column at borowitzreport.com.