Will tap into network of convicted CEOs, congressman says

Rep. Tom DeLay (R-Texas) said today that even if he is convicted of crimes for which he has been indicted in the state of Texas, he will continue fundraising for future political campaigns while serving time in prison.

A defiant DeLay told reporters in Washington that being incarcerated would not slow his fundraising efforts “one iota” because it would enable him to tap into a cash-rich network of convicted CEOs.

“If I’m behind bars, you can bet your fanny I’ll be reaching out to Dennis Kozlowski, Bernie Ebbers, and the rest of my people,” DeLay said. “I might be able to raise more money in prison than I could on the outside.”

The specter of DeLay hitting the fundraising mother lode while serving a prison sentence sent shivers through the Democratic Party establishment, with some party leaders openly wondering if there are any Democratic congressmen who could serve time behind bars to level the fundraising playing field.

But after a top-level meeting of the Democratic National Committee last night, DNC chief Howard Dean was pessimistic that a Democrat could be recruited to break a law or two and follow DeLay through the prison gates.

“If we Democrats are ever going to be competitive with Republicans in terms of fundraising, we simply are going to have to get better at committing crimes,” Dean said.

Andy Borowitz writes a daily humor column at borowitzreport.com.