KINGDOM OF GOD – Following the U.S. Circuit Court rejection of the Pledge of Allegiance phrase “under God” because it endorses monotheism, God issued the following statement to the press:

“I have never accepted state endorsements of myself. First of all, in the United States’ case, they have their nation placed right under me. In fact, my kingdom is situated just west of China’s Gobi Desert, so geographically that phrase is way off.

“But if they meant it in the figurative sense, I have to restate that I do not accept endorsements. I see that as a way of trying to curry favor, and as God, the world should know I have no favorites. Some may think I’m harder on them than others – visiting floods, fires, pestilence and locusts in some areas while others live in the land of milk and honey. But just wait – because of all the hormones being given cows, they are going to be in trouble soon anyway.

“I would suggest that those who have been praying very loudly from the United States should stop and accept the decision. I agree with it and have lobbied for it for years. I am surprised, though, that it took a non-believer to finally act upon my wishes.”